Procrastinat.......

That about sums it up. I have procrastinated writing because I have pretty much procrastinated many things. More like a hiatus maybe. I just seem to have more off than on days as far as this journey to self discovery. I was on the point counting wagon for about a month and somehow I gave up on it. I can't really say why but it happened. Then a few days ago I took a look in the mirror and realized I needed to get back on track.

These days in just exhausted. I need to make some changes but I'm realizing they can only be baby steps and I can't beat myself up about them. So I am cutting out all junk food, ok as much as I can, as a first step. I'm trying to keep the soda intake to a minimum and am trying to finagle my schedule to include some walking and some working out.

Things have been very stressful and confusing and disheartening these past few months. A lot has gone on and is still going on that has really mentally derailed me. I'm working on that though. Details to come if I can keep up posting. Here's hopin'!

A Couple of Weeks In.

It's been a couple of weeks since my epiphany day. Things are going really well. My best friend and I decided to start weight watchers, unofficially. She did the official program a year or so ago and lost a ton of weight, so since funds are tight, we are doing it with an unofficial app on our phones which does the same thing. We are going to exercise together and hold our own monthly "meetings" for weigh ins. I know having someone to support me will make it much, much easier. This also means I need to buy a scale *shudder*

She jumped right back on the wagon, I am slower going.It took me a week of getting the bad foods out of the house and shopping some to get committed but I'm all in. I'm still calculating my points regardless of what I eat so I can see how it stacks up to what I should be eating. I am really excited about it and can't wait to see some results. The transition has been really easy so far and the app we have is very simple.

We went to a beach wedding a week ago, which was beautiful. Waking up right on the beach was sooooo nice. I even got to take Lily down to the Gulf of Mexico and put her feet in, she wasn't too thrilled LOL. She enjoyed the pool more, much like her Mama. It was a much needed little getaway.

On the horizon now is......

We are going to Disney! Not just a day trip, a whole weekend!!!! I'm SO excited! We are going for Star Wars weekend and its going to be Me, CHris & Lily and my best friend of 25 years, Laura and her husband, Michael! 

Truth be told we are going up for the day on Mother's day too but it's not a WHOLE weekend LOL. 

Why Today??

Why is today the day i decided to make these changes? Honestly, I have no idea what it is about today. Lily & I went to visit my family last week so I knew that wasn't the week to try and make any major changes so I said "I'll start the Monday when we get back". Truth be told I have been going to a therapist for about 6 months now and we are doing really good work together and since the internal stuff is getting a chance to be worked on I figure I need to step up the rest.

Lily is 16 months old. She is faster and more mobile everyday and I am becoming slower and less mobile. I don't like it. I don't want to be the mom who can't get down on the floor and play with her kid. Come to think of it I don't want to be the person who can't get down on the floor at all, or need help getting up. So changes need to be made and today seems as good of a day as any day.

For the past almost 2 years I have been in Florida.I moved from NY, a place I love (still do). I moved down when I got pregnant and my hopefully-soon-to-be ex split up. They happened in the opposite order, actually but that's neither here nor there. We weren't meant to be together, I have long since learned that and have dealt with it. At present I haven't the foggiest clue who he is and that says to me that he probably had no idea who he was/is when we were together. C'est la vie. Thats for his therapist to deal with. LOL. Learning to deal with the loss of a marriage, the birth of a child, raising said child, moving away from the only place i ever really lived, navigating the new place and starting a new relationship have proven to be harder to deal with. Again, therapy is awesome. But admittedly it's a hell of a lot to deal with is a short period of time. This is not also to say i don't have a ton of past issues to deal with too....don't we all? You're lying if you say no. I'm also not embarrassed to be in therapy. Some people put such a stigma on it and i don't know why. Who can't use an impartial person to vent to who can objectively look at your problems? You're lying again if you say you don't.

Needless to say its been a crazy roller coaster of a few years and I'm settling down enough now to start the real work on myself. This includes loosing some weight...ok a lot of weight ultimately. The thing is I don't believe in diets really. I'm going to go with baby steps. I've learned by watching Lily learn to walk and falling over again and again, but she never gives up. So whats my first baby step? Getting back on an app called MyFitnessPal. It may not be much but it will hold me accountable for what I am eating and tell me when I'm doing the wrong thing. So I begin with my first steps being portion control and getting off the couch at least 2 days a week. Here's Hopin'!

Everyday I see this beautiful gift of a daughter and I am thankful every second I spend with her. She is how I will get through everything, she is why I am alive and how I am smiling all the time. For her I will change the world if I can, but for now just some changes to me will do.

Welcome....Again.

I lost my domain name for the baking business I was hoping to start up back in NY. I'm ok with that. It's the past and I'm looking to the future now. So this blog is now Kat's Lily Pad, named for my 16 month old cutie, Lily.

I wanted to find a good reason to blog, I enjoy writing but it just seemed like meaningless babble or whining when i wrote for the sake of writing. Now i have a reason. I want to be the best person I can possibly be so Lily can be proud and to always strive to be a better person. She is the light of my life, she is why I was put on this earth and i will do anything to better her life, and that means bettering mine. I want ways to hold myself accountable for it, and this blog is (hopefully) going to be one of them. I want to be vulnerable and open with my struggles and my accomplishments. She deserves it and so do I. So come along with me as I try and make a better version of me everyday, starting today. 

And if anyone out there is reading please comment, I'd love to know you're out there!