Why is today the day i decided to make these changes? Honestly, I have no idea what it is about today. Lily & I went to visit my family last week so I knew that wasn't the week to try and make any major changes so I said "I'll start the Monday when we get back". Truth be told I have been going to a therapist for about 6 months now and we are doing really good work together and since the internal stuff is getting a chance to be worked on I figure I need to step up the rest.
Lily is 16 months old. She is faster and more mobile everyday and I am becoming slower and less mobile. I don't like it. I don't want to be the mom who can't get down on the floor and play with her kid. Come to think of it I don't want to be the person who can't get down on the floor at all, or need help getting up. So changes need to be made and today seems as good of a day as any day.
For the past almost 2 years I have been in Florida.I moved from NY, a place I love (still do). I moved down when I got pregnant and my hopefully-soon-to-be ex split up. They happened in the opposite order, actually but that's neither here nor there. We weren't meant to be together, I have long since learned that and have dealt with it. At present I haven't the foggiest clue who he is and that says to me that he probably had no idea who he was/is when we were together. C'est la vie. Thats for his therapist to deal with. LOL. Learning to deal with the loss of a marriage, the birth of a child, raising said child, moving away from the only place i ever really lived, navigating the new place and starting a new relationship have proven to be harder to deal with. Again, therapy is awesome. But admittedly it's a hell of a lot to deal with is a short period of time. This is not also to say i don't have a ton of past issues to deal with too....don't we all? You're lying if you say no. I'm also not embarrassed to be in therapy. Some people put such a stigma on it and i don't know why. Who can't use an impartial person to vent to who can objectively look at your problems? You're lying again if you say you don't.
Needless to say its been a crazy roller coaster of a few years and I'm settling down enough now to start the real work on myself. This includes loosing some weight...ok a lot of weight ultimately. The thing is I don't believe in diets really. I'm going to go with baby steps. I've learned by watching Lily learn to walk and falling over again and again, but she never gives up. So whats my first baby step? Getting back on an app called MyFitnessPal. It may not be much but it will hold me accountable for what I am eating and tell me when I'm doing the wrong thing. So I begin with my first steps being portion control and getting off the couch at least 2 days a week. Here's Hopin'!
Everyday I see this beautiful gift of a daughter and I am thankful every second I spend with her. She is how I will get through everything, she is why I am alive and how I am smiling all the time. For her I will change the world if I can, but for now just some changes to me will do.
Monday, April 15, 2013
I lost my domain name for the baking business I was hoping to start up back in NY. I'm ok with that. It's the past and I'm looking to the future now. So this blog is now Kat's Lily Pad, named for my 16 month old cutie, Lily.
I wanted to find a good reason to blog, I enjoy writing but it just seemed like meaningless babble or whining when i wrote for the sake of writing. Now i have a reason. I want to be the best person I can possibly be so Lily can be proud and to always strive to be a better person. She is the light of my life, she is why I was put on this earth and i will do anything to better her life, and that means bettering mine. I want ways to hold myself accountable for it, and this blog is (hopefully) going to be one of them. I want to be vulnerable and open with my struggles and my accomplishments. She deserves it and so do I. So come along with me as I try and make a better version of me everyday, starting today.
And if anyone out there is reading please comment, I'd love to know you're out there!